When Your Brain Lies to You: Befriending Your Fears

“Fear is a reaction. Courage is a decision.”   –  Winston Churchill

Fear vs. Reality: How Your Brain Creates False Alarms

The Cold War, Cuban Missile Crisis, and the assassinations of John F. Kennedy, Robert F. Kennedy, and Martin Luther King Jr. were the headlines I grew up with. 

Sirens blared, marshal law loomed, and air raid drills called “Duck and Cover” had us hiding under our desks at school. Instead of feeling safe, these alarm drills amplified the fear.

How did it affect me as a child in kindergarten? 

Two Words: Panic Anxiety Attacks. Age 5. 

The bodily sensations were undeniable. There was a tightening in my chest, a racing heartbeat, and an overwhelming sense of impending dread. Fear gripped me and my mind spiraled into worst-case scenarios. 

What does fear feel like to you?

But what if most of those fears weren’t real threats at all—just false alarms created by your brain?

Tragically, those three brave leaders were lost in the 60’s, but the Cold War and the Cuban Missile Crisis eventually faded.  The world moved on.

All was calm, except for my fears. The panic episodes followed me for years. Even as a young adult my heart would race, my mind would catastrophize, and dread would creep in. 

That’s why I can speak confidently about fear; I’ve lived it. 

In this blog post, I will explain how fear impacts your brain and give you tips to help you befriend it rather than be controlled by it. 

Your Brain’s Built-In Alarm System

The amygdala, your brain’s fear center, exists to protect you from real danger; like predators or physical harm. 

But it doesn’t always differentiate between an actual threat and every day stressors like a tough conversation, a big presentation, or the possibility of failure.

In my case, my brain never got the memo that the threat had passed.

Here’s how the fear response works:

• Your amygdala detects a potential threat.
• It sends an immediate distress signal, flooding your body with stress hormones.
• Your prefrontal cortex, which is your rational brain, tries to step in, but if fear is intense, logic loses the battle.
• You react by going into the Fight, Flight, or Freeze mode.

Most of what we fear isn’t imminent danger. It’s uncertainty, discomfort, or the possibility of judgment but your brain treats them as equally life-threatening.

The issue isn’t fear itself; it’s how we respond to it.

Fear is often seen as negative but emotions aren’t inherently good or bad. 

Negative emotions, including fear, are essential to a healthy life.  

Fear protects us. It’s a signal trying to warn us of potential danger. 

The problem arises when we get stuck in fear and let it control us. 

Befriending Negative Emotions

Why Fear isn’t the Enemy:

How do you deal with fear?  You must befriend it. 

How to Befriend Fear and Stop it from Controlling You

Since fear is largely a prediction, you can retrain your brain to interpret situations differently:

1. Give Your Fear a Name

I call this the Inner Critic Exercise. Visualize your fear as a character and give it a name. Studies show that simply labeling your fear reduces the amygdala’s activity and gives power back to the rational brain.

2. Put Your Fear on Trial

Ask yourself: Is this fear based on facts or assumptions? Has this actually happened before? Your brain often exaggerates the risk but questioning the narrative helps ground you in reality.

3. Count to 6 and Breathe.

Stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol start to shift within about 6 seconds of a stressor ending.  Counting to 6 and breathing through the fear works with your body’s biochemistry helping your nervous system return to homeostasis.

Engaging in calming practices like deep breathing or mindfulness helps speed up this recovery process by signaling to your brain that you’re safe.

Coming Full Circle

Fear will always be part of life. But when you learn to see it as a false alarm rather than truth, you reclaim the power to move forward with courage.

I think back to that 5-year old girl hiding under her desk, heart pounding as sirens wailed. She did not know that safety would return or that she could learn to soothe her brain’s alarms.

But I do now.

And so can you.

Rewire your thoughts, and you’ll rewire your reality.

In Optimism

Rita

Always remember – Nothing is Impossible